Back to blogging :]
I guess I should explain why I’ve not written anything in a week… Mainly I’ve been busy with school, but I’ve also been in a really horrible and very fragile sort of mood (perhaps that should have been a reason to blog rather than not to blog ;-P but that’s how it’s played out, so… ;-P). My grandma’s funeral was on Monday and I felt really horrible because I didn’t go. The funeral was in London, so it wasn’t exactly a matter of half a day or something like that and I had some pretty important stuff going on at school in terms of tests, projects etc. In fact just before the date of the funeral was announced I told my mum that as long as it wasn’t on Monday I would probably be able to work around it - arrange it with teachers somehow… Monday was the one day I couldn’t do much about.
Everyone (my parents, my aunts & uncles) told me that in that sort of situation it was ridiculous to go and that I should stay back (another argument was that we couldn’t really leave the dog alone for that long), but I now feel that it was actually ridiculous not to go cause it’s not as if I was able to concentrate on school stuff anyway (almost everything went horribly). Although I’m still not sure what we would have done with the dog had I gone… When I left for school on Monday the dog was so petrified that I was going to leave her and not come back (like my parents had during the weekend) that she was still crying when I returned - 6h straight!
But what’s done is done and I have to get over it. I will have another opportunity - Monday was the mass and cremation. The actual burial hasn’t taken place and that’ll probably be in Poland, though it’s not certain. Wherever and whenever it is I’ll definitely make sure to be there. For now I have to get myself together and refocus. Nobody in the family has any problem with me not having showed up at the funeral (and in fact my babcia was always very practical about these things - I’m pretty sure she would have told me to stay back too actually), it’s only me with the problem and so it is just a matter of me getting my head round it. I can do it :) In fact I’m already making progress…
And you know… in a way death in a family puts things into focus in a strange way. Perhaps especially for someone like me, who is in some ways a little disconnected from feelings and people…
